It’s time for me to get focused again. I have the control over my life. I am making the conscious decision right now, to release self doubts and bring myself back to a higher vibration.
Yesterday, I did some work on my Maximizing Excellence video, it was frustrating and now I am making the conscious decision to see this project through to the end. A few more things happened yesterday that I would like to mention. My mum and I were discussing my finances. She is really worried about me getting myself a Macbook; she doesn’t think that it’s a good idea. The thing is, I have really wanted a Mac for awhile now and I know that I will have more options for video editing with a Mac. Though yesterday, I began to question if I was making the right decision. So, I am releasing all worries and doubts about my wealth, happiness and success. J
The last thing that I wanted to mention about yesterday is that Norma’s substitute didn’t come at all. I had some reservations about her. So whether I manifested her not coming yesterday or something else happened, I don’t know. Though I do know that everything happens from the highest good!
As I was writing this today, I received an email from the Independent Living Centre and it occurred to me to start manifesting a part time job. Having a job will get me out of the house and making money which is ultimately what I want to do! J
I have really been feeling off for a few days and I feel like I’m not in my flow. I have been working on a sample speech to kickstart my motivational speaking career and the words just aren’t flowing. Also I am not feeling like meditating as often as I was before. I am feeling bleh and I do not love it! I am not unhappy, I just want to get back in my groove! J I got some really great advice intuitively, around 2:30 P.M. If I want to feel groovy again, I should re-examine my wants in life. So what do I want? I want to be in an amazingly loving, romantic relationship. I want to travel the world with my amazing friends. I want to inspire and help people worldwide. I want to be successful in everything I do. I want to be happy, healthy and wealthy. I want to have amazing and successful career in the entertainment and personal/social development industries. I want to lead an amazing life where I am honouring all aspects of myself including my spiritual self. After writing this, I feel a whole lot better! I laughed a lot with my friend Norma today which also helped me get back in my groove! J
During one of my evening manifestation meditations on Wednesday, I saw myself on stage singing the duet version of Can You Feel the Love Tonight. The stage was dark and had blue lighting. The performance was truly magickal. I was so happy and in awe that I was having such an experience! J
The day after my meditations, so yesterday, I went out to the library and a little coffee place that I really love called The Java Garden. I had no trouble communicating with the librarian nor the person at the café, it was really awesome! The librarian helped me get a new library card and the fellow at The Java Garden made me a Matcha Green Tea smoothie. My parents did not have to interpret what I said to either of them. When I got home, I realized that I had actually manifested my speech improvements during my meditation on Wednesday.
I woke up at 6:30 this morning and I was frustrated and exhausted from the arguments I had with people the day before. One of the people that I argued with yesterday, was on her way to see me. I didn’t feel like arguing with her again this morning and she would have been at my house any minute so I manifested her not coming. It was about twenty minutes to seven as I realized my mistake. Who was going to feed and dress me if she didn’t come? I was being silly, I had plans for today and I really needed to pee! So I manifested her and I not arguing and she already being here. She arrived at my house shortly after seven and all went well. The moral of the story is to think about things before you manifest them. Do not manifest things out of impulses and if they’re not for your highest good. This morning’s events were a great reminder for me of that bit of insight! J
P.S. I mentioned before that the only thing that I am able to manifest when I am frustrated is more frustration .That is still true, the difference is that this time my frustration didn’t include the “I can’t do this” mentality.
So, can you guess what I did this morning? I manifested something in six minutes! Six minutes, that’s crazy fast! Ever since I’ve been meditating more (at least three times a day), my ability to consciously manifest things has gotten quicker. Anyways, at 9:14 AM, I sent another email to the Independent Living Center about getting more support. In the email, I mentioned that I have some amazing opportunities coming my way and I require some assistance to attend them. Six minutes later, I received an email from one of my former teachers about a filmmaking contest. Not only is there a chance that I could win $5000, this is an opportunity to bring more awareness to my situation and hopefully inspire a few people in the process! J The contest is called; Filmpossible - Bringing Visibility to Disability and is being held by the Bloorview Kids Rehabilitation Hospital in Toronto. I have two weeks left before the end of the contest, so I am going to try to get up tomorrow and record something. Wish me luck! J
I have found a possible way for me to get more assistance through a program called Direct Funding that gives out grants. The grants are given to people with physical disabilities so they can pay for their own attendant care. Direct Funding is a good option for me to choose since it allows me to hire my own attendants. These attendants would be able to assist me anywhere in Ontario. Direct Funding would help me out a lot though it would mean I’d lose my ILC attendants who I have grown really close with. They are like family. I don’t want to part with them. I love them, so I shall see about finding and manifesting a middle path, a middle way that isn’t all or nothing.
"I believe in myself"
I have been feeling off for a few days and I revisited some of my thought patterns though I need to get back track. I feel like when my energy is really low, my doubts and uncertainties trickle into my thoughts. If I am not diligent and careful about what I am thinking, I find it real easy to slip back into some of my old thought patterns. This is despite having repeatedly proven to myself that I am mastering the art of manifestation. For instance, I was talking with my friend Norma yesterday, about our mutual friend about Carmelita and her yummy excellent food. Even as I was saying this, I was thinking about Carm’s noodles and that evening, Carm came and brought me some of her great noodles and spring rolls! I am finding that it is getting much easier and faster to consciously manifesting whatever I want. I just thought about having the noodles and I received some! J Today, I feel a whole lot better and more myself! I believe in myself. I know I am going to have the life I want. I know that the gentle, loving soul relationship that I’ve been dreaming of is just around the corner. I know that I will be very happy and successful in my career. I know that I am going to make the election video. I did a lot of work on it yesterday. I was second guessing myself though today I will post the casting note and all will work out great! I know that whatever I set out to achieve in my life, I will succeed because I believe. J
“I am fulfilling my destiny and am living my dreams”
“My wish is my command”
The law of attraction says that whatever you focus on, you are consciously and/or unconsciously calling more of it into your life. I am becoming more and more mindful of what I focus on every day. There are two main keys to manifesting what you want, they are intent and emotion. It isn’t enough to intellectually focus on what you want to attract. For example, let’s say that you want to attract the love of your life. You know all about how the law of attraction works, so you’re ready to manifest your love, right? Well if you are emoting the feeling of the lack of a significant other in your life, then you’ll only receive more of what you are lacking.
I have made the conscious decision to change my thoughts in order to manifest what I want. I stepped away from my frustration and fear and I am now in contact with people who will help me to find the assistance I have been looking for. With this assistance, I’ll be able to go to my auditions, get out of the house and live the life I want to live. As I witness the results of my decision, it gives me hope. These results strengthen my belief in myself, empowering me to continue on this path and produce more great results. For instance, yesterday morning, my mum found me an ad for a real good deal on a Macbook that I really want and can just afford. I get one more paycheck before the deal ends, so I’ll wait for my next cheque. Then last night at supper, my sister was reading the newspaper and found an article about a video making contest that she saved for me. I am seriously thinking about entering the contest. The goal is to make videos that will encourage young people to vote in the upcoming election.
There is one more thing that I want to mention before I end this entry. I was watching a clip from Our Wish Is Our Command and they had a really good point. One of the hosts said; when you are manifesting what you want, never place a time limit on it. It just creates unnecessary pressure on you. So from now on, I will not put a time limit on any more of my manifestations.
P.S. This time my happiness comes from me and not anyone else. J
He sits in the darkness and walks in shadows; He is a stranger to even himself. Memories of better days lay almost forgotten on his shelf. Memories hang heavy in his mind; Memories of his violence and gore. Vivid images that he tries so hard though just can’t ignore. “What am I fighting for?!” he cries. “This world is full of pain, corruption and so many lies.” He gets his answer with one word and it comes in the form of a bird.
The above poem is an expression of my shadow self and a realization I had. Until recently, I was very ashamed of the darker aspect of myself. It made me extremely uncomfortable to even meditate on this aspect. Then I saw something in Avatar, the anime series that I watch that reminded me of a time when my shadow self was more dominant. During the walk down memory lane, I realized something that released my shame. I realized that my shadow self is not evil at all and that there is a balance between the polarities that must be honoured. Life is about realizing and finding that balance.
I haven’t written anything inspirational for a while. 2010 has been very eventful thus far! I have had many intense experiences full of happiness, sorrow, pain and frustration. Though enough about the past and on to the now! A few of my close friends helped me out of my fear and frustration. My friends kept reminding me of what I already know and I am becoming conscious of the reasons why I am not currently achieving my goals and seeing the signs of the life that I was promised. There is really only one reason and that is all of the energy that I was using to try to achieve my goals stemmed from my fears and frustration. Lower vibrational emotions can’t help manifest anything except lower vibrational emotions. So in order to build bridges to my future I am consciously choosing to step away from frustration and fear and build the bridge that will take me to the life that I have always wanted and feared I would never have. I now know without a doubt that I will have the life that was promised to me; everything from my awesome and loving partner to my successful career in the entertainment industry. I know that I will have all my dreams come true! J