"Growing Up Potter" meant I got to go to dances, go shopping, play a freaking cool sport and learn some awesome spells. But do you know what the best part was? I got to do all of this while hanging out with my friends, and it didn't even matter that I couldn't walk. I had entered into a world where anything was possible. Rowling created a world where kids like me could experience the magick in life, and feel like we belonged.
I am very grateful that I stumbled upon the "Growing Up Potter" article by Emily Asher-Perrin because it reminded me of how I felt when I read/listened to the books. It is a really great feeling - it's one that evokes warmth, hope, and excitement for the world. It's a very empowering feeling that I hope to share through my upcoming book series, and in the other work that I'll do.
I've spent the majority of the past week in "lock down" because I was trying to finish my book. I took a hiatus from the social web, and I managed to start and complete draft 6 of the first book. I'm pretty happy with it, so there won't be another draft. YAY! Now I am going to see about finding an agent and a publisher, however, I'll look into that after I get some sleep.
I found this pic on Tumblr, and it showed me that I was doing everything wrong. Now, you might be thinking, “Oh Andre, is this going to be another depressing post?” But before you take off on me, hear me out.
I’m not saying that I am miserably failing at life – no, I don’t think that anymore. I am saying that the way that I am trying to achieve my goals and aspirations is all wrong and backwards. This is where “Do you really know me?” comes into play. You see, I realized yet again that I am getting in my own way.
Basically, I have built a cement box around myself, so hardly anyone sees the sweet, zany, caring person that I know myself to be. Although I truly want people to see me for who I am, subconsciously I’m not letting them really know me... However, I think that what I’m trying to express is this: I feel like I sometimes, unwittingly project my insecurities surrounding my disability and self worth, and I don’t see this as conducive to having the successful friendships and life I desire.
So, I definitely do not want to do this anymore, so as I thought up a solution, I came up with the following mantra. “Focus on your good qualities, not the things that you hate about yourself.” Then someday, you might get to really know me.
This post was started on the 16th. I have a lot of conflicting thoughts and emotions about me today. I know that I should be happy with my new room and house, but I’m not. All that I can think of is how trapped and exposed I feel.
I should also stop procrastinating and spend more time working on my course. However, every time I do so, my anxiety peaks, as the comments that my instructor made about the assignments I did for her leap into my mind, and discourage me further. She said that my language on a certain piece was too formal, and then I thought, “well, that’s okay because I am not planning to write much non-fiction anyway”. Though, I got really anxious when I saw what she had to say about the short story that I wrote. She said my story didn’t work, and that I was trying to fit a novel into a short story format. I felt like she was saying, “Hey Andre, guess what. You failed again. Way to go!” Now, I know that this is probably only in my head, but still I’m hesitant because I put a lot of effort and time into my writing. I wouldn’t submit something that I thought was half-decent, so it evokes the question of am I really a good writer?
I know that I shouldn’t care what people think about me but I find it hard not to. I have all these dreams, desires and aspirations that I want to achieve, and I worry that I won’t succeed because people generally do not accept me. I am afraid that their attitudes toward me will stop me from having the life I want. However, I’m not going to let that happen!
I am going to take things one day at a time. I’m going to be like Kurt from Glee, and say, “Look, this is who I am, this is what I do, and I refuse to be bullied or brought down because of it.”
I am just as much of a person as anyone, and we all have the right to live and express ourselves the way we want. Furthermore, if we are not infringing upon other people’s right, then there shouldn’t be a problem. I think that this is important to remember, especially in light of the Occupy movements and with all the talk about the US wanting to place restrictions on the internet.
This post was started on November 5th. I don’t have internet right now, but I really need to write, and get this off my chest. Today is the first full day that is spent at the new house, and I feel very anxious and isolated. I’m in my room downstairs, where it’s cold and dark like a cave, which is probably why my dad gave it that name.
It kinda sucks that I am not on the main floor anymore, however, it is nice to have a big room, and being down here is giving me time to think. My current feelings of seclusion and disempowerment are reaffirming how right it would be for me to join or start an Occupy Love movement. I think that Occupy will be the perfect platform for me to achieve what I want to in life. Plus, it will give me the chance to form connections and express myself. When I am able to express myself, I am empowered, thus giving me the drive to pursue my various aspirations.
I feel very much alone, though I know that I’m not the only one who feels this way, so it is important to me to get out there, and share my story. Eventually, I hope to start up a website similar to It Gets Better, or one like Nate’s from The Real World. I want to create a space where people feel empowered and not alone.
Damn, I should be doing homework but I have a gnawing, anxious feel that is getting harder to ignore. So here I am blogging, and trying to work it out.
I really want to meet at least one person who sees passed my disability and social anxiety to who I am, I want to have that lasting connection with someone. I would also like to start or join an occupy love movement. Strangers coming together for a positive purpose is kind of amazing to me!
I long for a friend, and I itch to express myself, my creativity, and passion for making a difference in this world. These are my hopes and dreams, and I ardently wish that I'll be able to achieve them one day!
We all have hopes, fears and dreams, so am I different from you?