To me, fearlessness means being afraid, and not letting your fears stop you from achieving your goals.
Two of my major goals right now are to live independently in Toronto, and improve my self worth. Last week went quite well, the only unpleasant thing that happened was when one of my support workers kept refusing to do what I asked of her. This has been an ongoing issue with this particular person, but I haven't really spoken to anyone about it except to her and family. I didn't want to hurt her, nor having her mad at me. However, last week was the straw that broke the camel's back. I had enough, so I emailed my supervisor, and she came by today to talk about it. My support worker has been better this week, and I really don't like creating waves or making people angry, therefore I wanted to let it slide. Plus, I don't want my worker to think that I'm suddenly unappreciative of her. I feel very nauseous and anxious because of all this. However, I want to achieve my goals, so I an not going to let my fears stop me from standing up for myself.
I have to be comfortable with advocating for myself, especially if I want to move out. So in the end, and in spite of my anxiety, I feel that I've made the right decision.
But anyway, I went out for a few hours on Friday. I saw and reconnected with some friends of mine. It was nice. I haven't seen them in two-and-a-half years, however, it felt right. They have a store that is spiritual in nature, so whether the rightness was born from that or from being around people who genuinely care about me, I don't know. ..Now that I think about it, it's probably a bit of both.
On another note, having the house to myself is showing me that I definitely want to try living on my own. Be it at Gage or somewhere else, I think that I can handle it. I mean, it'll be an adjustment, but what isn't?
I started writing the following post last night, but I passed out before I could finish.
So, this is the first night that I am home alone. My family has left me to run off to Italy. I would've loved to go with them, however, I see this an opportunity to find out what I'm made of. This is the beginning of a very interesting adventure!
I've never been on my own before, so the next eight days are going to be rather intriguing! I was really nauseous earlier, but I'm okay now. My friend Norma said it was my anxiety, but I was more drained then anything. I took the new pills that the doctor prescribed for me. They seemed to help a whole lot, but they are making me drowsy, and I'm finding it hard to concetrate, so I'm gonna go. Night all!!