So, obviously the world did not end on Friday in catastrophic event, and I have a big spiel planned out out in my head talking about it, the Maya and the paradigm shift. However, everything that I want to say can be summarized in the next few sentences, as well as the following videos. We have a chance at a new beginning. Therefore, if we want a better, happier world to live in, we should be looking at ourselves. By changing ourselves, we change the world because we are the world. We are all parts of this living machine. Macklemore, Gandhi, Michael Jackson, and a lot of the great teachers and people who impacted society in some way, have said this. Now, if you are thinking that you can't make a difference because you're just one person, each of the individuals that I mentioned are or were just one person.
Wow. Okay, so I wanted to take a little break from my new mini comic series that I've started working on, and I am very glad I did! "Why," you ask. Well, I just finished watching two YouTube vids that I'd like to share with you all. I thought that it was rather cool and synchronistic that I "happened" upon them because I talk about similar things in the screenplay I am using as the basis for this comic series. Oddly enough, this is the same screenplay that led to the creation of my first blog.
Please leave me a comment below, I'd love to know what you think of the videos, and/or about your life in general. How are you doing? What type of life are you living? Are you living your life the way you want, or are you like me, and not quite there yet?
Hey, I don't know about you, but I thought that yesterday was AWESOME! I had a really sweet day! I felt good and energized, and I got a lot done. I'm definitely feeling and loving the new energies that yesterday brought!
My new OT came to start helping me look into getting the various equipment I need to move out, so that was exciting. I was a little stressed about it for a bit there, but now, I am really glad that things are beginning to come together.
I finally feel like things are flowing for me, which is cool because I was feeling like I wasn't accomplishing anything. I managed to finish most of the editing of my new vlog yesterday.
I almost gave up on it, and didn't want to upload it onto YouTube because the editing process frustrated me. Plus, the animation in my vlog isn't super amazing. However, when I saw Leija's video about being yourself, I was inspired to complete mine.
In other news, a couple people on LinkedIn suggested that I start making mini web-comics to build up a following and some credibility, in order to improve my chances of attracting a publisher. I really love this idea because when I was working on Starkeeper, I felt like I was sufficiently expressing my creativity, and actually achieving something, so it stands to reason that I'll have similar feelings with other projects.
After watching Jordan's response to the Becoming YouTube video, I really want to start vlogging again.
I stopped making videos because of my voice, and how people reacted to it. However, I have a burning desire to express myself, share my thoughts, and connect with people. Furthermore, I really want to get into acting, sometime soon, so I should work through the issues evoked by my speech impairment. I just don't know how to do that yet. Does anyone have any ideas that might help me out?
Also, by overcoming the issues I have with my voice, I'll be that much closer to fully accept my disability and myself.
I don't exactly know how to articulate what I want to say, so I'm just going to continue to type, and see what comes up. I recently finished watching Veronica's video about her feeling vulnerable and raw, and being present with her sensitivity.
This video struck a chord in me because she talks about something that I need to work on. Many people see me as a happy-go-lucky person, and I am a pretty person, but there are deeper, sadder parts of me that they don't see. I hide these aspects of myself for the fear of people judging me. However, since I am trying to step into a more empowered way of thinking and living, I'm not going to hide anymore.
So, now, I'm going to be honest and real. I still feel very unfulfilled in life. I am getting tired of just sitting around all day, doing practically nothing. I want to be out there in the world, travelling, helping and connecting with people. Plus, even though I have some really good friends, I'm still rather lonely, and I very much long to meet people that I can connect with on a deeper and more genuine level. I wish to have more platonic relationships as well as a romantic one. Also, in regards to my graphic novel, I truly feel that I am just spinning my wheels. However, I don't know what else to do except to try to be patient and nurture my faith that someday soon my goals will come to fruition.
A little while ago, I was literally frustrated to tears about the lack of control that I have over my body caused by my Cerebral Palsy. I cried, "fuck this! I hate having a disability," and while I lamented the irrevocable fact of my disability, I set up the latest episode of Glee. It was a bit freaky actually, because "Glee Actually" started off with Artie frustrated about being a paraplegic, and needing a wheelchair. He slipped on a piece of ice, fell out of his chair and had to wait for someone to help him. Finn convinced Artie to go the school nurse. Once there, Artie laid down and dreamt about an alternate reality where he was never in the car accident that paralysed him. However, even though he was completely able-bodied, this alternate reality was rather dim. Anyway, long story short, the whole episode reminded me to accept myself, all of myself. This includes my physical disability and my vulnerability because for better or worse, they are apart of me, and shit happens on occasion. Sometimes, it's inevitable no matter what I do, but I'll deal with it as it comes. Glee also reminded me that no matter how different or alone you feel, you can be true to yourself and still have people support you. So, I'm going to try to follow these reminders and really take them to heart.
Two days ago, I wanted to write about the paradigm shifts that we as a collective are presently experiencing, then stuff happened and I ended up not writing the post. However, that was probably a good thing because now, I have a more concise idea of what to say. Therefore, I won't feel the need to write 3+ posts on this subject, because I'll say all that I want to in this one.
So, the first thing that I want to talk about is what happened on Monday. The day started off well with my ILC supervisor coming that morning just to check in with me. We talked about some of what I have to do to move, and she is totally helping me out with it! CCAC discharged me without notifying me, which was super bummy. However, however, however, my lovely supervisor put in a referral to get me back on their case-load, and I have a phone assessment on Friday! I'M SO EXCITED because this means that I am THAT much closer to getting a new power chair as well as the other equipment I need in order to go to Gage, but I digress... Like I said, Monday began quite well, but when I was chatting online that evening, I met someone who was interested in me until they asked me why I used a wheelchair. I told them, but then things got weird.
Stuff like this happens a lot! When people find out the extent of my disability, they stop talking to me, and even if they don't immediately cease communications, they tend to tire of me after a few months. Anyway, it was my frustration with these people that led me to re-watch Veronica's video about dealing with those who piss you off and riles your ego.
She gives some good advice, and I'm really glad that I am subscribed to her YouTube channel. So, in the spirit of 12-12-12, I would like to share two more videos that have inspired me, and that is really what this paradigm shift is about. I truly do not believe that it is the herald or usher for the end of the world. Instead, I feel that this shift is about inspiring new ways of thinking, and more empowered ways to live our lives. I could talk about the new paradigm for ages, but I won't, so here are the videos that I am wanting to share.
I would like to mention one more thing before I call it a night. I started experimenting with binaural beats yesterday, and I had a really nice, solid, sleep! It was so refreshing, which is a rare occurrence for me because I usually have trouble sleeping. If you don't know what binaural beats are, I highly suggest looking them up, but I'll put a hyperlink to the YouTube channel I found, where you can listen to hour long sessions completely for free!
Fear and the ego seem to be popular themes lately. They have been popping into my awareness a lot, both in my experiences, and in the experiences of many others across the Interwebs. A few days ago, I watched two TED Talks presentations via YouTube that I'd like to share with you. They're not about fear and the ego, but that is the underlying theme.
When it comes to my graphic novel, I get extremely anxious and afraid. Starkeeper is so important to me, it's a part of me, but it is also my message to the world. I do not want my novel to become one of my many failed projects that go nowhere. Plus, I believe that publishing Starkeeper is going to be the spark that will enable me to start living the life I want. My book isn't published yet, however, this doesn't mean that it will never be, and I know that my fears and feelings on the contrary, are just products of my ego. I also know that I will not let Starkeeper fail or fall apart because of how much it means to me. I just have to remember to be patient, have faith, and step away from my ego, from time to time.
WOW! So, I literally just finished writing my blog post about wanting to redefine myself. Then I went onto my YouTube homepage to find my nightly meditation, and I saw that Katie Freiling had just uploaded a new video called Day 3: You are undefinable! Coincidence? I think not!