This is going to be a quick post, guys. Mooregate called, and its lead person is coming to my house! They have narrowed their list down to five people, and I'm one of them! Plus, I have an appointment to see the apartment next week! Patience is a hard thing for me to cultivate and exercise, but it pays off!
I just finished watching a video by Teal, about resonance and happiness. I've watched it twice, and I'm listening to it again as I write this post. I wish to really absorb and integrate what she's saying, because I feel that this is exactly what I need to hear right now.
I have been very anxious about my life lately, and I haven't had anything new that I wanted to express or share with you, until now. This is why I haven't blogged for a few days.
I recently met someone online who had an interest in me. We talked, and he grew on me; I came to really like, and care about him. However, he is wanting commitment, and even though I really want to eventually be in a committed relationship, I've realized two things. A) I'm not quite ready for a romance yet. B) I am genuinely attracted to a lot of people, and due to my intense empathy and compassion for them, it's easy for me to see myself in a relationship with each of them. However, I do want and value monogamy and commitment, so I must not only be true to myself, but stay true to the things I wish in a romantic partnership.
I felt bad that I hurt the guy's feelings by telling him my realizations, though, I was honest with him, and didn't want to lead him on. This guy isn't talking with me anymore, which is okay, I guess, because I've learned what I needed to, from knowing him.
People come into our lives for a reason, I truly believe this, and Teal reaffirmed my belief, when she said something similar.
P.S. I started writing this blog post yesterday, however, I was too tired to finish it until today.
One of my most biggest challenges that keeps popping up, is my apparent inability to let go, and trust in the process of things. However, this isn't actually an inability, I just haven't figured out how to have an unwavering level of faith yet, regardless of the situation.
I really want to cultivate some unwavering faith, so I'm going to, and I think that is the next step in my 90-Day transformation challenge. Lately, I have worried and anxious about things that I have no control over. Like the apartment I might be getting, for example, I've been fretting about it. I really want to know what's happening with that, and if I'm a priority or not. However, I have done all I can for now, so I just have to wait, let go and trust.
I just watched some interesting videos that helped me to get out of my mind, and to change and raise my vibration. I have been rather anxious about things and happenings in my life, of late. However, the following vids served as a reminder, which helped me to disentangle myself, yet again, from the stories born from my fears and ego.
I started this post on Thursday morning, but I chose to finish responding to some questions that my publisher had for me, and unfortunately, that took the rest of the day. Then yesterday, I fell asleep whilst writing this.
Anyway, two nights before last, I had another Glee dream. I dreamt that I was back in high school, watching a live concert that Dianna and Darren put on for the staff and students. Darren said that he and I would hang out after the concert, however, when it ended, he was gone.
"Hey Dianna, do you know where Darren is," I asked my lovely friend. "He probably went back to our hotel," she replied. Then she wondered if I would walk her to her room. "Yes, of course," I said, "I'd be happy to!" As we headed to the exit of the school, I reflected on my relationships with the actor and actress of Glee. I thought to myself, that I was incredibly lucky, to have Darren and Dianna as friends, and this wasn't because they work on the hit TV show, but because they were awesome people. I could feel the strength and genuineness of our friendships, as I thought this.
After my dream ended, and I woke up, I realized that I presently have genuine relationships with people, akin to those companionships in my dream. I might not have a romantic one now, or hang out with my current friends very often, though that doesn't negate their validity. I forget this sometimes, but I'd like to thank each of them for their kindness and support! I'd also like to thank them for reminding me that they care.
I think that a lot of people, including myself, get so wrapped up in the challenges we face, that we forget that there will always be at least one person who cares about us. We just have to know where to look.
As for days five and six (yesterday and today), I've been rather anxious, which I'm trying to work through.
Hey guys, sorry that I didn't update you yesterday on my apartment situation, though I wanted to wait until I had something a little more concrete to tell. However, uncertainties are all part of the journey, right? If all goes well, I move out in April.
Presently, this isn't a sure thing, because I don't know whether I'm a priority case. People who are priorities get first dibs on available apartments. I sent an email to Independent Living, asking if they consider me a priority, but I haven't heard back from them yet.
Not knowing if I'm going to get into Mooregate hasn't deterred me from preparing to move out. I spent the afternoon researching phone, internet and TV bundles, and even though this was a mundane task, I found it exhilarating! I also found it quite empowering, I am taking steps in the direction I want, without having to rely solely on other people such as my parents. I definitely love being independent!
Hey y'all listen to this; two days after I decided to challenge myself and change my life, I get a phone call from Mooregate about one of their open apartments. They say that they might have a spot for me! Is this a coincidence? Perhaps, but perhaps not.
Toronto is still definitely goal for me, however, moving to Kitchener would be great practice for my move to Toronto. I'm about to call Mooregate back, so I shall let you guys know how it goes in a bit.
Nothing too exciting or profound happened today. I meditated and set intentions this morning, and that's about it.. I don't really know what to do yet. However, I know that I'm not fully empowering myself, or meeting the kind of people who I'd like to yet. I also know that I still have fears that I want to let go of. I will figure out how to do all of this, though, for this is the point of my challenge.
Anyway, here are the videos that I said I would post:
For the next 90 days, I am committing myself to a transformation challenge. During this three-month period, I'm going to really focus on me, my inner work, and creating/attracting the life I want. A few YouTube videos inspired this challenge, which I will share in the next post. Right now though, I'm going to begin cutting cords, and clearing out more stuff that no longer serves me.
Today, I was talking with a few people who reminded me of the importance of self love. These people were not trying to motivate or empower me, on the contrary, they seemed to be in a state of disempowerment. One person in particular, stuck out at me as someone who doesn't have a lot of love for himself. I have a great deal of compassion for said person, but at the same time, conversation we had repelled me. I'm in no way saying this to hurt his feelings, and I'm not writing this post solely because of him.
My intention is to share the reminder of the importance of self love through this post. Self love is important any day, however, with Valentine's Day just around the corner, I feel that this reminder has perfect timing. Especially if you're like me; single, and not caring for the day dedicated to love, all that much.
The following video is actually what prompted me to write this post. It was one of the many self-love themed synchronicities that I had today. I listened to them, and here we are!
One thing that I've found that helps to promote and nurture love for ourselves within ourselves, is to be proud of what we have accomplished. I mentioned something of this in my last post: Coming Into My Own.
Lastly, you are more than welcome to share your achievements in the comments below.