In my last post, I expressed my desire to get way from the things that distract me. However, I sought out my distractions after the really intense spaz attack that I had yesterday, to avoid a repeat occurrence. Though, I really need to rein in my focus, and take steps, not huge leaps toward achieving my goals. I have to start small, I have to build up a tolerance for being up in my chair. I was sitting for six hours yesterday, but I'll slowly get use to it, and like they say, "Rome wasn't built in a day." However, I haven't forgotten about my writing, modeling and acting goals.

Day 75

I just moved into my apartment today, and I have to say that I like it so far! I haven’t really been here for very long, though, twas around 12:30-1:00 when I arrived. However, I’m feeling rather okay with having an apartment to myself – I don’t feel all that different yet. Actually, I’m pretty comfortable! This doesn’t feel like a new experience, oddly enough. Though, I don’t have internet right now, which sucks, but I shall publish this post when I do. Everything is set up for the net, I just don’t have my login information yet – it’s still at my parents’ house, so it is time to get creative!  I might start outlining the second Starkeeper book, or partake in something of a similar nature.

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I feel kind of stuck and unproductive right now, but that probably has something to do with my present lack of internet, which I don’t think I’ll get anymore today, because it’s approaching 9:00. I started to outline Birthright, (Book Two), however, things aren’t flowing at the moment.

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I still think that I’m going to like living here; I just have to remember to pace myself, and relax until I get my sea legs. Even though I’m comfortable when it comes to the staff here, this is an extremely new experience for me.  I can’t expect myself to be all settled in, on the first day!

Day 76

April has been a very intense month for me! There were lots of ups and downs, socially, emotionally and physically. I’ve been experiencing a lot of changes including my move, but I’ll write more later – I have to eat soon.

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I just watched the latest episode of Glee, twice in a row. This week’s installment was about getting back to the basics, pushing aside all the distractions, and just being you. So, for the next little while, I’m going to focus on me, and the person who I want to become. Also, I’m going to try to not worry about what others think of me, and I say try, because I’ll probably still be worrying about that, a wee bit.

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So, I was going to post this last night, but alas, I fell asleep.

I want to share the following video with y'all. My mum showed me it. This vid is about a guy who has a form of Muscular Dystrophy, and I just found his story kind of cool and inspiring. Plus, it reminded me to continue to persevere through all my crap, and pursue my dreams.

I'm extremely anxious right now, guys. I ran out of my pain med last week, so on top of being anxious, I am uber sore, and just to complicate things, this particular medication is not covered by ODSP or my dad's insurance. I am also anxious about moving - I really want to get settled and whatnot, as quickly as I can. I just want to get it over and done with, ya know?

I am supposed to move into my apartment this week, though, it's not going to happen this soon, because my little brother is in the hospital, and needs to have surgery. My parents are staying with him, so I'll have to wait to move. I know that I will be in my apartment, eventually, so I breathe, and try to calm down, but it doesn't help. It's really frustrating, because I know how to meditate and stuff, however, I can't seem to break away from my anxiety!

Aside from my med, and the move, I'm stressing over finding someone to help me get out of my apartment, every-so-often. I want to be able to do stuff, meet people, hang out, have a life, and be productive in some way, you know? I don't want to be a shut-in all of my life!

Prior to writing this post, which I started at 11:30 last night, I watched the following YouTube video. The vid reminded me that it's okay to be anxious, and that it's alright to not feel okay sometimes.

I feel like I'm going to reach a pinnacle in my life, soon. The things that are happening now, seem to almost be preparing me for whatever is coming next. Lately, I have experienced some really momentous events, such as getting my novel published, moving out, and awakening my iPad's cell phone superpowers.

I went to Toronto, today, where another big thing happened for me. I saw a physiatrist who specializes in spasticity and Cerebral Palsy, and he said that Botox injections into my muscles, on a regular basis would decrease the frequency and severity of my spasms. I'm game to try it!

Hey, whoever said "where there's a will, there's a way," knew what they were talking about!  It's cliché, I know, but it's true!

Allow me to explain, my intention was to get an iPhone for when I move out. iPhones are really expensive, and the cells that I've had in the past didn't work well for me, but I was going to get one, regardless. However, with the Line2 app now on my iPad, (see my Cool Apps post) I don't have to buy said Apple device. The app is so cool!! I can now call and text people completely on my own, easily! I love it!!

I knew that there was a way for me to use a cell! Ain't technology grand? (laughs maniacally) Independence is mine!

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