I finished page eight of Longing Part Two on the 17th of this month, and ever since then, I’ve been trying to draw page nine. However, I’m still stuck on the first panel! It’s not like I don’t know what to draw – I have the whole page planned out, but I can’t stay focused, and keep my momentum up to want to continue working on my novel. I know exactly why this is happening. I keep thinking about how my art isn’t up to par, and is not good enough for the mainstream markets. So what’s the point?? Even though I decided not to conform to the accepted idea of comic art, it still weighs heavily on my mind. I draw how I draw because of my disability, my art is an expression and an extension of me and thus it is an extension of my Cerebral Palsy. In essence, what bothers me is the feeling that I am not good enough because I have a physical disability.
Therefore, it is time for some radical self acceptance! In Teal Scott’s latest Shadow House episode, she shares a technique that shows us how to accept parts of ourselves that we see as negative.
I’m going to apply this technique to the feeling of not being good enough because of my disability.
- So, what is the exalted state of being disabled? Exalted state is being a creator. Maybe? …I have to be creative, and find new ways to do things. (innovative and imaginative)
- Having CP motivates my determination and perseverance, so I’m not generally lazy.
- I can’t hide my disability, which helps me stay authentic.
- I am constantly being challenged and tested, and thus I grow.
- I have a lot of “alone time” which helped/helps my introspection, intuition, awareness and empathy to develop and strengthen.
- Having a disability makes life interesting!
- My differences i.e. my speech impairment encourages more communicative relationships, which is ironic because people think that I cannot talk and have conversations! However, I have to be able to communicate because I have so many people taking care of me. I need to direct my care, and I need to be understood.
- I can help, empower, teach and inspire others to be themselves, and to not give up on their dreams.
This post is taking a really long time, and I’m feeling some resistance because of it, so expect a part two. However, someday I’d love to have my own version of Shadow House. I would love to have a group of friends that I could be this open and comfortable with.