This week has been somewhat rough for me emotionally. It brought back a few memories and issues that I thought I had let go of, though thankfully they were not around for long. I got them out of my system without too much trouble. However, during their “visit” I asked myself why do I bother.
Why do I keep trying to make actual friends when it never works out? Why am I bothering to try and create a happy and fulfilling life for myself when something always gets in the way? Why do I bother? People won’t change any time soon, neither will my situation and come on, look at the state of the world! Is it going to get any better than this? What good are my ideals? A friend of mine says we are now experiencing the end times. If she is right, should I just give up?
I got the answers to my questions last night. First off, I do not believe that we are experiencing the end of the world. However, I do believe that consciousness is shifting and that people are slowly becoming more aware of themselves as well as the environment – this is a process. It needs time to continue to grow and build.
Now why do I keep trying to achieve my goals? Sure, it really sucks when things don’t work out, though I would rather take the chance to be happy and successful than not try at all. When I choose to take the chances even if they’re small, I have more control over my life and that empowers me. I now believe that I owe it to myself to make myself happy and I believe we all owe this kindness to ourselves. Now is the time for us to start living our dreams and really, what do we have to lose?
I am currently pursuing a writer’s path since I love to write and it is one of the things that I often dream about doing as a career. I write whenever I can and actually, yesterday, I finished the script for my graphic novel. I hope to get it published sometime soon and I feel very strongly about seeing this particular project to its fruition. I can see it bringing me closer to living my dreams.
I have one last thought that I want to share tonight. During the storm on Wednesday, I watched the series finale of Torchwood and I was kind of disappointed with the ending. It really bothered me that the main character gave up in the end, after all that happened. Though, in hindsight, the ending was perfect because it has inspired me to not want to give up on achieving my goals.