Day 46

I was EXTREMELY sore and stressed out yesterday. My parents took me to the States to get some non-perishable food for my apartment, and that part of the day was really cool, though at 10 AM, my level of discomfort skyrocketed. My pain meds - the new ones which have worked well, wore off. I thought this odd, and a little worrisome because I've been able to sit in my chair for longer, since my meds changed. Six hours is my present max, however, yesterday, I only lasted for four.

In an effort to distract myself, I started talking with my mum and dad about everything and anything. However, long story short, my little brother's 18th birthday came up our conversation. He also has Cerebral Palsy, and he's been having a lot of appointments to prepare him and my parents for when he turns 18. I had a few appointments of this nature when I was 18, though, their frequency, and the results they're producing greatly differ from my experiences. Even though my brother has a form of CP that is more severe than mine, I should be able to have access to similar services, no?

When I turned 18, I was told that because my disability is physical and not cognitive, the majority of the services that I had received up until my 18th year, would be unavailable to me. I was no longer eligible to have a personal support worker that could help me with my homework, and help me whilst out in the community. The support workers that I have now, are only allowed to aid me with personal care activities such as feeding, grooming, dressing, personal hygiene, etc. at my place of residence. I've always been frustrated by this fact, because my physical needs haven't changed from when I was 17. There was no magick cure waiting for me on my 18th birthday. Though seriously guys, what else would happen when people with physical disabilities turn 18? Last time I checked, magickal cures weren't readily available.

A few years ago, my mum convinced me to take a psych test, just to see if I qualify as having a cognitive disability. According to the test, the only disability I have, is a physical one. Though, there should be some sort of service in place for other young people with physical disabilities.

Anyway, all my frustration led to a dream that wasn't a nightmare, however, it wasn't the happiest dream either. I dreamt that I was back in high school, talking with my friend, Taryn. I don't remember what we talked about, but it had to do with my identity, and how I was feeling.

Day 47

I started to read Think and Grow Rich, yesterday. I have only read the first two chapters so far, but I'm really liking it! It was all about perception, desire and belief. Other than the book and the new apartment, I do feel a change coming. I feel like I am undergoing a metamorphosis.